Maybe...

People come in all shapes, sizes and mindsets. I have spent most of the last 3 years cultivating some form of relationship with the majority of my co-workers inside and outside of my immediate department.  I have enjoyed getting to know so many different people with so many different stories.
I love listening to and encouraging people. Walking by my cubicle a person would be likely to hear "that's great!"..." you can do it but you need to do it for yourself"..."good job on the biking, walking, stairs etc"..."you have a lot to offer"..."I think you are very smart" and the list goes on and I mean every word of it.  I am so much better at building people up than tearing them down.  It's just not in my nature.  It has become well known around the office that if you need something read over, exercise/nutrition advice or just a simple pick me up...my cubicle is the place to stop.  Why is this?  Because for some reason a lot of people seem to think I have it together...whatever that means? Admittedly I do have a lot going on...just glance through my Facebook page and I am either training for a half-marathon, playing softball or tennis, taking the kids on a hike or 51 other things like professing my love for Derek or trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up...after I graduate college that is...some time in my 40's.
So my point?  Very recently...ok...last Thurday I found myself in possession of a nasty e-mail a few of my co-workers wrote...about me.  Not very flattering.  It would appear that there is some serious jealousy of my life and I have no idea why?  I live in a small apartment with Derek, two girls, two cats and a dog.  Not really ideal.  The more debt we get paid off...the lower my credit score goes.  Haven't figured that one out yet!  Derek and I are working very hard to get back into a house in the next eighteen months.  My co-workers have lovely homes and solid marriages...I'm trying to figure things out with ex-husband #2.  I guess if these co-workers up until about 2 weeks ago were my closest friends at work had ever once stopped talking about themelves and asked me how I am doing...they may have found out the following:
 I have this silly little blood disorder that if I stop and sit down for too long...I'm done!  It's like anemia...but I can't take iron to fix it...and really...I don't want to look back in 40 years and wish I did ....fill in the blank here.  Maybe I feel like I completely wasted easily the last 25 years and I have a lot to make up for in the next 25 years.  Maybe I want my girls to know you should stay healthy no matter how old you get and while I'm at it...it's never too late to get an education.  Maybe I like volunteering at the President Harrison Home because I love history and I want to give back...to what I don't know...but educating people about Harrison makes me happy.  Maybe I wish random people I have crossed paths with the last thirty-nine years would have encouraged me to do something...anything.  Maybe if one of my "friends" had asked me once in the last 18 months if I'm ok I wouldn't have expanded my circle of friends to include people who are amazing and take me under their wing whether it's running or work or just happy Derek and I are working things out, I might not have realized how empty, shallow, mean and self-centered they are.  Maybe then when they called me a bad mother, housekeeper, slut, made fun of my Associates Degree from a  community college and my future at IU - East, (neither one of them has any degree at all),  maybe when they called me an idiot for trying to do it all instead of sitting at the canal eating my lunch making fun of every person that walks by because of their weight, their clothes or their hairstyle with them...maybe I would have cared.
I am going to continue to say hi to everyone I walk by at work.  I am going to continue to ask how they are doing.  I am going to continue to ask how their family is doing. I am going to continue encouraging, helping and listening. I am going to continue to smile at people I don't know and compliment them on their outfit or shoes if I love them and sometimes when I don't.  I am going to continue to hold doors open for others and say please and thank you.  I am going to continue to care about people...even the ones who hurt me...and hope that maybe...they can find a little happiness.  That's what has made me, me, and I'm OK with me.